I recently posted a question on Wetcanvas, asking for help defining my art. I felt a bit stupid for doing so, but after a recent incident I really wanted some outside insight on what comes to mind when someone looks at my work.

I was at a party shortly before Christmas and was chatting with some people I didn’t know. They asked what I did, and rather than say “stay at home mom” I got over my stomach-clenching nervousness and said “I’m an artist”. I don’t know why it is so difficult to put that out there, but as I’m transitioning out of painting as a hobby to painting as a lifestyle, I need to be proud and put myself out there.

Anyway, the sky didn’t fall when I answered, and they were really nice and rather curious. After I got past my next hurdle (explaining what gouache is), they asked “So what style do you paint? Like landscapes or people or…?” Here, I stumbled. I flailed about for words and said something really brilliant like “Um, well, they are kind of like landscapes, but not always, there are some trees, but they are kind of floating, and some birds, sometimes…” I was rescued when on person said “Oh! Sounds whimsical!” I thought to myself, no, not really whimsical but blurted out “Yes!” just to get myself out of this awkward situation.

The folks on Wetcanvas were lovely as always — giving out ideas on what they would call my art, describing how they carry around a business card or postcard with an image of their work on it, talking about how we shouldn’t need to define ourselves to people, discussing perceptions and titles and being “just a mom”. I found a word I like that I think fits what I’m doing - ethereal - which I’ll use to replace the word “cosmic” that has been running around in my head despite the fact that it doesn’t quite feel right to me. I’ll feel okay using the word surreal because others see my art that way too.

I need to suck it up and get some business cards ASAP. I have a background in graphic design, so I keep trying to come up with the greatest, most eye-catching, super-unique card ever. Meanwhile, months slip by and I miss a ton of opportunities to get my info out there to people. I should start with something beautiful and basic, and create that one-of-a-kind card when it comes to me.

I hate relying on the change in the calendar as a jumping off point for new things, but it really does feel like starting over when we hit January. Maybe it is the clearing up of the holiday stuff-November and December get so busy and the house gets full to bursting with people and food, decorations and gifts. New Year’s Day comes and goes and the once cheerful holiday decorations now fill the space in a claustrophobic manner. Getting all that cleared out of the house feels like a new, fresh beginning.

With all that done though I still feel trapped. Unmotivated. Tharn. I need to paint, I need to blog, I need to catch up on social media sites, I need to play with my kids, I need to cook, clean, do laundry, I need to pick up the dog poop, I need to wash the dog, I need to help at preschool, I need to help at elementary school, I need to reorganize the basement, the office, the fun room…I’ve got upcoming shows to get ready for, medical concerns weighing heavily on my mind, neglected friends to call, a trip to plan for, a car with no gas in the tank, and a very overdue library book.

I don’t know what to do first, and so I am doing none of it. I want to be like my Sophie cat, and find a spot to hide.

The days and weeks feel like the are slipping through my fingers. Usually I feel like this for an hour, or a day, and then I pull myself out from under it, make some lists, and start to tackle things until I wonder why I thought it would all be so hard. I find that I’m having trouble pulling myself out from under it this time.

I’ve been fiddling, though. I started reading Jackie Battenfield’s The Artist’s Guide: How to Make a Living Doing What You Love. She has some challenges, some goals to write down. They seem like such an immense task right now, at once pointless and  thrilling. I set the book aside, but I think I’ll do them soon. I started re-reading Chris Guillebeau’s The Unconventional Guide to Art and Money. I’ve been thinking about my web presence, and how maybe I shouldn’t be satisfied with two sites (RedBubble for prints, ArtFire for originals). That would be like advertising during Oprah while hoping to reach Letterman’s audience too. I don’t know how the average customer goes about finding a website to purchase art from, but it seems silly of me to hope they stumble upon me at ArtFire when they normally shop at Artocracy or Zatista or any of the other sites where artists congregate to sell their wares.

In the “this probably doesn’t help with the overwhelmed feeling” category, I found this great blog post titled “List of 66+ Websites for Artists To Build Online Presence“. I’ll just jot those things down on my to-do list…

I know readers will be pleased to know that between starting and finishing this post, I did return that overdue library book. Baby steps.

Okay, I’m done. The party is over (but wait, it is only 1oam, I never got my beer!). I’m supremely lucky in so many ways - super supportive family, best dog in the world, food, clothing, shelter, warmth. Everyone has loads on their plate, dreams pushed off to another day, clutter and illness and days where you just feel like you are going in circles. I just needed to put mine out there. Acknowledge it. Frown at it. Get rid of the extraneous crap and just get to it. Up and out!